‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.
I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…
I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’
‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’
What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!
I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.” —
SHE. IS. A. GODDESS.
JACK’S MANNEQUIN WAS AMAZING!!! OH MY GAWD!!! SUCH A GREAT CONCERT!!!
And the opening acts were amazing! The first band all dressed like Waldo (heh heh, Harry Waldo), and the second was a beautiful Australian woman who was five months pregnant. Babeh!!
But Jack’s was just…AAHHHH!! I have no words! But I do have a signed t-shirt, and a picture of me with Andrew (though I look terrified that I’m standing next to him).
Ughh, I want to go on and on about this, but I have to get up in 6.5 hours. Liiiiife…
- Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
- Me: Please, god, no--
- Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GO0O0O0OO0OO0O0O0
- Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furius
- Me: Please, guys, calm down--
- Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.
- Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
- Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO
- Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
- Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
- Me: I hate you all
- Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.
- Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.
- Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?
- Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 10 months straight.
- Uterus: You mother fuckers.
- Torso: CONTRACT!
- Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama.
- Brain: Me gusta.
This is college life. ;)
Sooo tired…all I have left is an officer meeting in less than an hour and then I’m done. I only have one class tomorrow, so I’m not gonna do any of the homework for it tonight. I just want sleep.
And just want to SLEEP.
That is all.
But I will say that, once the nauseia reached its climax and I finished my business in the bathroom, my stomach felt a lot better. See? There’s a silver lining to every situation. :)