Tumbleweed

I can feel the missing space inside me everyday.

But, despite the pain I’m put through, it’s all okay.

Because, in the end, I know I’ll find the one person who can make me whole.

As the last few weeks of school wind down, I find myself facing a dilemma I’ve seen too many times: being alone.  I guess it’s all stemmed from my childhood.

-My dad used to have to go on trips for his work when I was a child.  Even though I was with my mom and brother, I still got lonely.  Every night he called, I would always say “I miss you” in a small voice.
-My mom’s disappearance from my life has been a big factor in my hatred of being alone.
-Before she died, my mom told me that when I first started school, I would cry because I didn’t want to be away from my parents.
-Almost every summer, when I’m not with my friends, I get slightly depressed.

And now the ever impending doom of graduation is almost upon me, as well as the rest of my classmates.  All of my friends will be going off to colleges of different states and I’m gonna be staying right here.

On one hand, I’m looking forward to starting college, but I don’t want to have to leave all the friends that I’ve known for years.  I just hope that we’ll all keep in touch and that they make the best of their college lives.  Cause that’s what I’m gonna do.

Tonight was the finale performance of the school One Acts.  It’s a bittersweet moment, as these will be the last theatrical performances of my high school career.  But I did make sure to take pics of tonight, which I’ll upload on my FB tomorrow.

These moments truly make life fun and worth living, I think.

Wasn’t it not so long ago that we were able to laugh at our heart’s content?  I can still remember those moments.  No matter how insignificant they may seem to you, they are very precious to me.

But now, you seem to have chosen a new relationship with me.  One where you abandon me without explanation.  Normally, I would want to know why you have chosen this path.  But I think I all ready know.

It’s because I refused to be your slave, or rather, your slut.

I’ve seen my fair share of girls take that road; they give themselves to creeps who desire nothing but physical gratification.  Well, I’m sorry that I can’t do that.  I’m sorry that I have morals and am willing to stick to them until I find a guy who I know with my whole heart will look after me like I will look after him.

The sad thing is…I thought that guy was you.  I guess you could say you were my first love.  How pathetic is that?  But then again, I’m glad I could escape this with a heart that wasn’t terribly broken.

And as far as trying to be your friend…if you were only hoping to use me all this time…..then maybe I don’t deserve you as a friend.

Our school’s final play performances of the year are the one acts.  For those of you who unfortunately do not what these are, they’re 10-15 minute plays directed and possibly written by students of the school.

Our program goes a little something like this:

1) I really don’t understand the plot in this one.  Basically, various people try to make their way to a crater, all the while being tormented by Satan.  …….Yeah, you gotta watch it.  It’s funny though.

2) I appear in this one!  In a fictional future, people are supplied “limiters,” machines installed in their chests that end their host’s life once they turn 40.  These limiters exist to keep humanity equal.  However, there are rebels (such as myself :)) who believe this is wrong.

3) I missed this one so I don’t know what it’s about.  Hopefully I can post it up later.

4) I only saw a glimpse of this one.  Basically, a piano man is able to help everyone through his piano playing….or something like that….

5) A reporter comes to a little Southern town, searching for a famous battler.  When he finds the man, he refuses to show him his talent.  However, when the warrior’s challenged by a young man, can he risk putting his reputation on hold for one last duel?  Though I make it sound epic, it’s hilarious!

My last theater performance as a high school student, and they’re gonna be damn good. :)

You were the first guy I can truly consider a lover.  But, as I think back on everything, I realize that our sweetest memories weren’t the ones we spent as a couple.

They were the ones we spent as friends.

Everyday, you remind me that I’m a sexy, strong and vivacious young woman, and I thank you for that.  Not because I feel like I deserve the praise, but because those words keep me optimistic and give me self-confidence.

Now, more than ever, I’m so glad we’re friends.  But I’m also incredibly sad that soon we won’t see each other. That’s why I want us to spend as much time together as possible.  And I’m sure that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

Why am I even wasting this letter on you?  You’re not worth it, never have been, never will.  But I need to get this frustrating feelings out of me somehow.

I recall the first moment I met you in Middle School.  I knew, from that moment onward, I would never consider you a true friend, no matter how many times you popped into my life.  And you have popped in more times than my patience is worth.

I thought I could put up with it and just ignore you.  But today, you proved me wrong.  Not only did you manage to royally piss me off, but my friends as well.

It took all my strength just to keep from causing a scene right there in the middle of the whole school.  You should consider yourself damn lucky.

But this all brings me to my point: I cannot wait for the day where I no longer have to associate with you.  Only five more weeks until internships start and that will truly be a blissful day.

Spell your name without vowels: Mgn
Are you single? Yes
What’s your favourite number? 12
What colour do you wear most? Various blues
Least favourite colour? Beige (it’s so…boring)
Favourite candy? Mr. Goodbar
What do you smoke? Nothing.
Are you happy with your life right now? Once these next two weeks pass, I will.
Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity? Yes, I just can’t remember who…
What is your favourite class in school? English
Do you shop at hollister/DC/Bluenotes? Sometimes Hollister.
How do you make money? Debit card.
Who is your best friend? I have a few.
Where do you go to school? Charles Wright Academy
Are you outgoing? I try to be.
One word to describe you? Empathetic.
Favourite pair of shoes? Oh God, I LOVE SHOES!!
Do you own big sunglasses? No.
Where do you wish you were right now? Um…..I dunno, Japan?
What should you be doing right now? Homework.
Do you have a crush on anyone right now? Mmm….hard to say.

Honest Section
Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Only five more weeks til internships…
Honestly, what are you doing right now? Nothing besides this survey.
Honestly, have you done something bad today? No, I almost did though.
Honestly, do you watch Disney channel? Not anymore, it’s gotten so stupid.
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Ben.
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? No.
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? At the moment, idiotic people.
Honestly, do you bite your nails? Yes.
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? Not a specific someone, but I would like to see just anyone.
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? No.
Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like? They’re not a friend, they’re “that person that nobody likes.” (thanks Dane Cook!)

THE ‘CANS’
Can you blow a bubble? Yes.
Can you dance? Yes.
Can you do a cart wheel? Yeah.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? Haven’t tried.
Can you whistle? Yes, but I inhale.
Can you wiggle your ears? Yes.
Can you wiggle your nose? No.
Can you roll your tongue? Yup.
Can you make a clover with your tongue? Probably not…
What do you do when you’re mad? Listen to music.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Yell at someone.
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? No…..?

CRYING SECTION
Ever really cried your heart out? Yes.
Ever cried yourself to sleep? Yes.
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder? Yes.
Ever cried over the opposite sex? Yes.
Ever cried over the same sex? No.
Do you cry when you get an injury? Sometimes….
Do certain songs make you cry? Yes.
Do certain movies make you cry? Yes.

HAPPY SECTION
Are you usually a happy person? Yes.
What makes you the happiest? Being with friends, writing, listening to good music.
Does being with your friends make you happy? See above question.
Do you believe in yourself? At times I falter, but I try my hardest.
Do you wish you were happier? At the moment, yes.
Is being happy overrated? Uh, NO.
Can music make you happy? Yes.

LOVE SECTION
How many times have you had your heart broken? None.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them? Haven’t felt that way about anyone yet.
Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said ‘I love you’? Yes, but, of course, they didn’t mean it.

HATE SECTION
Do you actually hate anyone? I find some people incredibly annoying to the point of hatred…
Ever made a hit list? Lol, no.
Have you ever been on a hit list? Lawl, no.
Are you a mean bully? Not really.
Do you hate George Bush? Moron.

SELF ESTEEM SECTION
Is your self-esteem extremely low? No.
Are you good looking? In ways, yes.
Do you wish you could be someone else? No.

LOOK AT ME
What is your current hair colour? Red.
Current piercings? Three ear piercings.
Have any tattoos? No.
Straight hair or curly? Straight.

CURRENTLY WEARING
What shirt are you wearing? Purple lace shirt.
Shoes? None.
Necklace(s) Four leaf clover. :3

HAVE YOU EVER
Hugged someone? Duh.
Been on the phone until the sun came up? No, someone did call me at 2 AM so we could talk.
Laughed so hard you peed in your pants? Close.
Laughed so hard you cried? Yes.
Got in a fight with someone? Once and we made up.

THE LAST
Person you talked to in person? My dad.
Person you talked to online? Alex.
Person you hugged? Alex.

RANDOM
Do you like surveys? They’re good time killers.
Do you get along with your parents? Yes.
Do you have mental breakdowns? When I’m super stressed out, yes.

CURRENT
Current mood: Relaxed.
Current music: None.
Current hair style: A little messy from my nap.
Current crush: Mmmmm……are they….?
Current thing I ought to be doing: Homework.
Current windows open: Tumblr and Youtube.
Current desktop picture: Human iPod. :)

THE ‘DIDS’
Did you ever get into a fist fight in school? No.
Did you ever run away from home? I tried to as a child, but it never worked.
Did you ever want to be a doctor? No.
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter? No.

THE ‘DOS’
Do you know how to swim? Yes.
Do you like roller coasters? They’re warming up on me.
Do you own a bike? Yes.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows? No.

THE ‘DOES’
Does hair loss run in your family at all? No.
Does your car get good gas mileage? Meh…not really.
Does your family have family picnics? No, we have family dinners.

THE ‘HAVES’
Have you ever been on a plane? Yup.
Have you ever been to the ocean? Yes.
Have you ever painted your nails? Yes.

THE ‘HOWS’
How tall are you? 5’8”
How much money do you have on you right now? Besides my debit card, $35.

THE ‘LASTS’
Last person you hung out with? Ben and Alex.
Last thing someone said to you? “How’re you doing?”
Last thing you said out loud? *laughter at a Youtube vid*

THE ‘WHATS’
What are you listening to? Nothing.
What is the weather outside? Dark.
What radio station do you listen to? 90.9.
What was the last restaurant you ate at? Ugh…I can’t remember the name, but it was a French cafe in Seattle.
What was the last thing you had to drink? Snapple.
What was the last movie you watched? Uhh………